Tug of war

No one said this would be easy. 

Re creating my self, working my ass off at work and on my self and being a one princess wolf pack. No one said this was easy. I knew it wouldn't be but maybe it is meant to be? 

I've had a lot of alone time this week going through many things in my head. And my god it is not entertaining having a piccolo lateé and a cigarette with your mind. But that was only week one. I past the not so honey moon stage of working on my self. Last week I did a lot of boxing to release all of that excess anger. God I wish when I upper cut my trainer I was punching the manipulators and snake like people who drove through my life like a pit stop on the way to their final destination.

Maybe I'm in the wrong place. Maybe it's time to plan the scary change of doing the move mentally and physically? 

I dream of stars and clear skies. Tasteful bars, lychee cocktails, suits and potential, personality and good shoes... 

Last night I was told that change is a good thing and that I am apparently on the road to success. I was advised by a diamond that I am some what similar to a character that they had read about in a novel based in the 1500's. He told me that she has no one by her side but she was capable of conquering a whole nation. I had many questions. But first and foremost, how the fuck did I have an intellectual conversation when I was drinking scotch and coke. 

Classy princess hey?

For some reason this was one of the most unusual weekends I have experienced. It was like I was in a game of how is life going to test me next. Mr previous makes contact with me wanting to know my where abouts. Obviously the attention still excites me but I choose not to satisfy him by telling him. He doesn't need to know the finer details anymore. Mr previous 2.0 on the other hand decides to use his gentleman skills for once in his life by greeting me and actually asking me how I am. But seriously does he even care? That's not the point. Ever since that day 4 and a half years ago, he chosen to extinguish his gentleman like skills. It's funny how some choose to surprise you on the odd occasion. Funny that. 

I want to rid my self of everything that is old. Don't you all know the saying: 

Out with the old in with the new? 

I want to look out my window and see something different

I want to look in my wardrobe and see a totally reformed Princess 

I want to look in my makeup bag to see a variety of lip colours, excluding that bright perky pink I would wear when I was 18 galavanting in Kings Cross wearing inappropriate pieces that my mother would totally not approve of. 

I'm finally ready for change baby. 

Out with the old princess, in with the Princess 2.0 new and reformed. I'll let you know when the change is complete. 

I'm afraid of feeling vulnerable. And vulnerable is what I am right now. No make up, big glasses, messy hair and my favourite book 'Love letters of great men'. Oh the irony when I continuously say I need to be on my own when I continuously dream about being in the shoes of the women these gentlemen have addressed their letters to. 

                             

There's no difference between these two photos. Mentally and physically the same. Today I feel comfortable being bare. Princess 1.0 would never say that. 

Xx Princess I. 

Ljepotica

Every girl wants to feel like their laying on a beach in Europe during summer, wearing the finest of kaftans, bikinis and sometimes nothing if you want to live on the overly wild side...

Every girl wants to feel hot and sexy for her guy or even just that random gentleman they had a vodka lime soda with at the bar. They want to feel empowering like goddesses laying on a lounge with men feeding them grapes. Oh god don't we all want to be fed grapes!

Let me be realistic ladies, no one likes spanks, and skin coloured ‘bras and undies’. To uphold our confidence and sense of excitement, soft, luxurious and sexy lingerie should be worn under that expensive silk dress.

In the end of the day, we just want to feel beautiful. How do you even describe a beautiful woman?

A beautiful woman I'm my eyes is someone who presents her self with strength and confidence. If you feel good about your self, your confidence will sky rocket and trust me the ones that know you best will definitely take notice or the one that you want to be noticed by…

Do you feel like you need that extra push to get into that bikini to work on your tan? Or if you’re weird like me and just want to feel pretty for your dreams and wear unbelievably soft silk night dresses?

Enough rambling from me, the real reason why I've created this post is to make my 'readers', who ever reads my blog, that there is a new and unbelievable website that has just launched that helps the ladies of this universe feel like goddesses! Including me!

Www.Ljepotica.co

When I first took a look at this website my first instinct was to read their mission statement. I wanted to know what they were really about and what makes them unique compared to the other brands. At Ljepotica they take pride in making their customers feel good about them selves as well as giving them a sense of security knowing that customers won't be paying $600 for a bikini or lingerie. I've always wondered why some brands make us pay so much for good quality! It should be a given! And at Ljepotica, it is! I have a major eye for bikinis; they are just something that I have a love for! The amount of variety that they have is on end. And the price? Don't even get me started!

Today while I was at my desk at work, I was doing a bit of sneaky online shopping as you do... Shhh don't tell my boss!

When I laid my eyes on the Monte Carlo Halter bikini I was literally in awe. But wait! There's more! I scrolled down to see the price, paranoia running through me thinking my god how much is this going to set me back? $189.00!

For a piece that is so stunning I feel like there is a hidden agenda with a price that cheap! BUT THERE IS NO HIDDEN AGENDA!

This store is for beautiful woman with definitely beautiful prices. And since this week is about hope, positivity and working on ones self, it's definitely so amazing to see that we finally are able to see a brand that will soon turn into an empire by answering our prayers. Quality pieces so we are all able to feel like the diamonds that we are.

Until next time...

Xx Princess I

P.S forgot to mention! They already have a staggering 11k followers on Instagram for all of you statistical social media freaks like me. Xx

Check them out via:

 Instagram: @ljepotica_official

Facebook: Ljepotica online - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ljepotica-Online/531757400226530 

Website: http://www.ljepotica.co/ 

Xx

Hopeful

Hopeful is that you'll see the green grass over the hill. 

Hopeful is your diamonds loving you as much as you love them.

Hopeful is driving on the highway with no traffic going to work at 7:00am. 

Hopeful is fitting into that expensive dress you bought with three paychecks. 

This has been a bumpy roller coaster filled with more emotions than ones self can contain. When I paint my nails I choose the colour of my mood. At the moment I'm wearing a deep purple. It's literally like the mood rings we use to wear when we were 12 back in the day trying to guess each other's moods. Back to what I was saying before I get completely sidetracked, deep purple... At the moment I'm feeling deep purple is hope. It's not completely bright, but it's not completely dull either... It's that neutral colour, like Switzerland in the war where they didn't take sides. They just wanted the war to be over. Now I'm not saying life is a war. Life is hard, but it is definitely not a war. When I struggle in life, I look at it like doing incline on the treadmill. God I hate the treadmill. But you get my point. And if you don't, that’s ok also. I am a major rambler and I tend to say/write what I think in that very instant. Yes it sometimes gets me into trouble, but it is sometimes kinder fun when you have the no filter 'trait'. I don't know where I got it from because everyone in my family thinks before they speak. But there’s always that one particular person in the family who chooses not to take advantage of the 'filter' cell. 

Yes I just classified the filter as a cell... 

My personality is loud, positive, bubbly (God I hate that word), emotional, forward, abrupt and most of all filled with more love that I can't only give to one person. I'm not contradicting myself, I know I said I wanted to focus more on me this year, but that doesn't mean I'll stop loving my diamonds. I yearn to be needed and loved. Seriously, who doesn't? My point is that we all have high days and we have low days. - For the dirty minded, no we will not throw a pun into that sentence...

Today, I received good news. And it was for me! Yes I'm ecstatic to hear when my diamonds have amazing news to share but finally! The girl with no filter has good news! No I will not share the good news because I like to think that I'm all mysterious and just a big question mark... Not really but the moral is that today I am happy. Happy for everyone and everything! Especially myself for a change! I am my biggest critic and I tend to over critique my self sometimes. But my 'things that need to be worked on' have been put aside for a day because I am happy! 

Lets just say that Princess definitely feels like her girl version of a 'Mojo' is back! Until next time... 

Xx Princess I. 

Detoxing 2013

I've never been so bitter. This selfish feeling in my head just saying 'Fuck it, fuck it all'. Why haven't things changed like I want them to? Why did the one thing that I didn't want to change actually change?

Today is January 19 2014 and I have decided what my New Years resolution. No it's not to quit smoking or to be a nicer person or to tone down my personality or to tone down my social life. My New Years resolution is to be more selfish. Is that a bad thing? I've decided that it isn't. For the past six months I have been KICKING my self to the floor about what is wrong with me and what needs to be fixed. I usually say that my friends are the diamonds that I keep in my jewellery box but what do I classify my self as? Do my diamonds think I'm a diamond too? Well I'll answer that for them...

I'm a rare fucking diamond with a crack or two. But I can live with that. For the past six months I have been thinking why I haven't I written anything on my blog. Why haven't I expressed my self like I usually do? Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a rut which is my life questioning so many things...

- When is it actually going to begin?

- When will I finish my degree?

- Will I actually get that promotion?

- Will I achieve what I'm working my ass for?

- Will those extra hours at the gym give me my dream ass?

- When will that gentleman come along?

One of my most treasured diamonds tonight made me realise that yes I know what my long-term goals are but what are my short-term goals? How am I going to make 2014 different to 2013? Well I've decided that my first form of attack for this year is to focus more on me. I'll be making more time for something that I love which is to write. No I'm not E.L James or Paullina Simons and definitely no Adriana Kupresak. *That last one is my personal favourite*. But I want to keep learning and keep moving forward. And if people don't like my writing technique? Oh well. That's just too bad so sad. I'm not following a script. I'm a mess. My room is a mess, my desk is a mess and right now my life is and it's definitely time to get that Windex out to clean my mirror to finally realise 'Ivana this is what you have to work with. How the fuck are you going to do it?'

Am I holding more on my shoulders than what I can balance? Maybe... I've deferred Uni for two semesters and I've gotten a full job, which entails me to fix people's problems for a living. Sometimes I think if only these people knew what I had on my silver platter right now would they actually let me fix their shit? I don't think so. I don't need to fixed. I need to go in for a 'service' like a car. I need that light back on me to remind me that my existence has a purpose. I don't know what my purpose is but I'll figure it out. This year I'm going to be the not so big 20 years old. I'm not going to be a teenybopper anymore. Can I even handle that change? Not really!!

I've got an excel spreadsheet to-do list in my mind.

'Which problem do you want to tackle first princess?' I think my first plan of attack isn't to think of the previous assholes in my life that toyed with my mind and manipulated me to think that everything they did was good for me when it wasn't.

Plan A - This princess is focusing on herself.

I will not be dominated by another person to tell me what to do, how to act and how to present my self. Why do people say be unique and your own person but then criticize you for it? Oh humans, we are such an unpredictable race.

Princess is an overpowering personality who wants her opinion heard loud and clear. She tells you what she wants and what she doesn't. She loves whom she chooses and the rest can run for the hills. She thinks she deserves more attention than the million and one girls in bandage dresses at marquee. Why? Because she's not apart of the majority. She moved a long time out of her comfort zone and is definitely not going to be the same as every other girl in Sydney. Plus her ass would look way too big in a fake Hervé Léger.

Every new year we say it's time for a change. I've just decided the change a bit later than most people.

This probably makes sense to no one. But it does to me. So, fuck it.

I've set all of my regrets on fire, now it's time to turn the page.

#Rantover

Xx Princess I.






There's no one to keep me warm tonight but I don't need that extra body because I have a body pillow. - quoted by Ivana Princess.