Tug of war

No one said this would be easy. 

Re creating my self, working my ass off at work and on my self and being a one princess wolf pack. No one said this was easy. I knew it wouldn't be but maybe it is meant to be? 

I've had a lot of alone time this week going through many things in my head. And my god it is not entertaining having a piccolo lateé and a cigarette with your mind. But that was only week one. I past the not so honey moon stage of working on my self. Last week I did a lot of boxing to release all of that excess anger. God I wish when I upper cut my trainer I was punching the manipulators and snake like people who drove through my life like a pit stop on the way to their final destination.

Maybe I'm in the wrong place. Maybe it's time to plan the scary change of doing the move mentally and physically? 

I dream of stars and clear skies. Tasteful bars, lychee cocktails, suits and potential, personality and good shoes... 

Last night I was told that change is a good thing and that I am apparently on the road to success. I was advised by a diamond that I am some what similar to a character that they had read about in a novel based in the 1500's. He told me that she has no one by her side but she was capable of conquering a whole nation. I had many questions. But first and foremost, how the fuck did I have an intellectual conversation when I was drinking scotch and coke. 

Classy princess hey?

For some reason this was one of the most unusual weekends I have experienced. It was like I was in a game of how is life going to test me next. Mr previous makes contact with me wanting to know my where abouts. Obviously the attention still excites me but I choose not to satisfy him by telling him. He doesn't need to know the finer details anymore. Mr previous 2.0 on the other hand decides to use his gentleman skills for once in his life by greeting me and actually asking me how I am. But seriously does he even care? That's not the point. Ever since that day 4 and a half years ago, he chosen to extinguish his gentleman like skills. It's funny how some choose to surprise you on the odd occasion. Funny that. 

I want to rid my self of everything that is old. Don't you all know the saying: 

Out with the old in with the new? 

I want to look out my window and see something different

I want to look in my wardrobe and see a totally reformed Princess 

I want to look in my makeup bag to see a variety of lip colours, excluding that bright perky pink I would wear when I was 18 galavanting in Kings Cross wearing inappropriate pieces that my mother would totally not approve of. 

I'm finally ready for change baby. 

Out with the old princess, in with the Princess 2.0 new and reformed. I'll let you know when the change is complete. 

I'm afraid of feeling vulnerable. And vulnerable is what I am right now. No make up, big glasses, messy hair and my favourite book 'Love letters of great men'. Oh the irony when I continuously say I need to be on my own when I continuously dream about being in the shoes of the women these gentlemen have addressed their letters to. 

                             

There's no difference between these two photos. Mentally and physically the same. Today I feel comfortable being bare. Princess 1.0 would never say that. 

Xx Princess I.